Once upon a time, I wrote this advice to young parents: "If you want your children to grow up and enjoy coming home, you had better make sure their childhood home life is a fun and happy place." We migrate to fun and stress-free environments. We avoid tension. It's human nature and it's true.
As I look around at strong families, there are similarities. I belive that "love follows the laughter." When mama and daddy are laughing and loving together - children want to be around that. Heck, the friends of children want to be around that. The old adage is also true: "If mama ain't happy, no one is happy." What that really means is this: "If mama ain't happy, no one wants to be around mama." It's not something to brag about - the end game is loneliness.
Another characteristic of strong families is building tradition. Once, I taught a Sunday School lesson on building tradition. When I asked people to name their family traditions, it pretty much came down to this: (1) Annual beach vacation; and (2) Gathering in a hallway on Christmas morning before rushing in to see what Santa delivered. Gee whiz. If the latter is the extent of family creativity, when it comes to tradition, no wonder so many families are in trouble.
Vicki and I were careful, early in our marriage, to estabish our own simple family traditions. We were careful that these are not dependent on other families. I don't want my family's health tied to another family.
Aside from investing our lives together in local Dixie baseball, dressing as pirates at Halloween, Birthday morning muffins, and the like, our most rich family tradition is the Vaughan Family Football League (VFFL). The VFFL, started in 1996, is our family's annual NFL Fantasy League. I started it with a lot of vision, especially since Andrew was only 8, William was 5, and Richard was 2. They barely understood the NFL, much less its players. When Matthew was born in 1997, I added a team for him, and Vicki picked up a team, too. Matthew has never known a year on this Earth without the VFFL.
Now, as the boys are older and much more competitive, the VFFL is a lot more fun. We gather on Labor Day for the annual draft, and then play continues through the league's regular season. In the early years, the champion received a small trophy and got to choose an area restaurant for a family "victory dinner." One year, William chose a Japanese restaurant. We took the trophy and put it beside him. Everyone around us thought he had played on a championship football team. When we explained that it was a fantasy league team . . . they were really confused. I believe good family tradition is like a good "inside joke" - it's ours and everyone else is confused.
A few years ago, I abandoned the annual trophy and went to a large plaque that hangs in our family room. Each year, the new champion is added to the plaque. This way, we are reminded of the tradition - even during the off-season.
My team (Tail Beaters) won in 1996 and 2008. Andrew (Mean Machine) won in 1997. Vicki (Mama's Boys) won in 1998. Richard (Big Boys) won in 2000, 2001, and 2005. Matthew (Chicken Legs) won in 2003. William and his dreaded Tika Namu War Machine has won in 1999, 2002, 2004, 2006, 2007 and now in 2009. He has won, I might add, on the arm of Peyton Manning.
You don't have to start tradition when your children are little. We didn't begin dressing as Pirates for Halloween until Andrew was in high school. I'm about to launch another family tradition in 2010. But, I don't want to spill the beans here. I'll write about it later.
Make your home a genuine sanctuary of boundaries and fun and Family Time, including creative traditions that don't involve only Christmas. <^>< 2010.
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